The tragedy of suicide

Suicide is a tragedy that affects the family, friends and the community in so many ways. It takes time to heal and everyone heals in their own way, in their own time…but never EVER “gets over the loss”. People learn to move forward despite the loss, the emptiness.

At first there can be a celebration for having  found the strength and courage to get out of bed; others it’s to put one foot in one shoe on at a time and shuffle into another room. There is no right or wrong way. There is no such thing as “they are stuck in the past”. Some do not acknowledge the grief until years later, because it is too painful to make sense of such a tragedy.     It is eventually walking, shuffling or limping forward with the memory imprinted on your heart that is a success.   Prints on a heart are made with indelible ink…

Sometimes it’s the guilt that tears one apart for the longest time…guilt, an emotion with sharp teeth. Other times it’s the anger that consumes one…anger sucks the energy like a vacuum. The sadness, the pain, the hurt can be felt differently by any one person…it can burn. It can feel like your gut was cut out, a limb torn off, a Mack Truck parked on your chest…and the list goes on. Why? Because it’s different for each person. There is no ONE size fits all.

There is no perfect “How To” instruction manual but there are many places that offer support. Sometimes it’s trying to find the right fit for a person. It can be reading stories of people who have experienced the same type of loss and tragedy. Other times it is seeing a grief counsellor or a family doctor. Some have found going to a bereavement group helpful. Others have a supportive network of friends “who DO get it”.   These are only some ideas and whatever has worked for one person may be different for another person.

Hopefully more people will learn through the experience of friends and family who have lost someone through suicide…so we can still keep talking about it and keep it out of the closet.

Here is a song that inspired me to write this little piece tonight.

© Cheryl-Lynn 2015/10/04

Resources: Bereaved Families of Ontario – Toronto  Grief after Suicide

Suicide Prevention  Suicide Action Montréal  Kids Help Phone talks about grief

Here is a link to Brandi Carlile who performs That Year LIVE (with interview)

BRANDI CARLILE LYRICS

“That Year”

I must have been sleeping
I must have been drinking
I haven’t been dreaming about you for years
There was a sharp turn and a sunburn
I was too cool for high school that year

It must have been New Years
No one invited you
You took things too far
But I missed you
And your antics
You were lonesome
And blue eyed
And so special to us

You should have taken a long break
Instead of a long drop from a high place
Ten years I never spoke your name
Now it feels good to say it
You’re my friend again

He said he forgave you
I said I hated you
He was the bigger man
I was sixteen
All the innocence
It took for
You to finally make your year book
That year
That year

You could have taken some time away
Instead of a long drop
Instead of a leap of faith
Ten years I never spoke your name
Now it feels good to say that
You’re my friend again
You’re my friend again

I was angry
I was a Baptist
I was a daughter
was wrong

Thanks to Michy for correcting these lyrics.

Writer(s): Timothy Jay Hanseroth, Brandi M. Carlile, Phillip John Hanseroth
Copyright: Southern Oracle Music LLC