It’s not easy struggling with BorderlinePersonalityDisorder and along with that often comes other mental health issues. What is difficult is not getting a proper diagnosis…once that is achieved, the recovery starts.
So many professionals are not skilled or knowledgeable to help persons with this condition. Too many medical professionals overmedicate them to silence them. Once in a blue moon, they will find a compassionate and knowledgeable therapist who gets it and many times that is where the healing begins.
Yet, there are many who never want to get help and see the world as having the problem and not them. They don’t understand why family and friends often withdraw…sometimes to save themselves, other times because they just do not understand. Most of the time it is because they feel awkward and ridden with guilt for not succeeding in making this person happy. Too many times they feel it is their responsibility to maintain this person’s equilibrium and happiness.
Loving a person with this condition is not so hard. Love is love, right? You love with the good and the bad and the in between. It is the self-preservation that takes time to access. It takes a while before you realize it is not always your fault that your friend, lover, sister, brother, cousin, mother or father are upset with you. In fact, it rarely has anything to do with you.
It takes so much energy though. It is so exhausting! When you actually love this person, you ache inside. When this person is confronting you, you are shaking many times and wondering what you could have done better…sooner.
It is a wheel of constant confusion, suffering, guilt and when he or she is happy with you, you feel so good inside but you are still wary of when the axe will fall once more on your head for not being the person he or she needs and expects you to be.
How many of you have gone through months of feeling more than sluggish and deep inside you know it might be depression because the symptoms are there? Insomnia at night and wanting to bury yourself under that duvet when it’s time to get up. What about loss of appetite? For some it is eating and eating and eating some more to fill that void. Why is an “emptiness” so painful? Shouldn’t one feel relieved to not feel a heavy weight pressing on our shoulders? Oh wait, what about feeling like a truck drove over you and decided to park on your chest for a few hours a day. Ever feel like your mind is racing so much with “What if”s” you feel like you are on an out-of-control merry-go-round and you’re afraid to try and get off because you may NOT survive the fall?
Adults worry. Mothers worry about the safety of their children. Fathers worry (working moms too) if they will be able to maintain a decent home; Parents worry when they have to say “no” to private lessons in this and that. Not all kids have the luxury of playing sports. But do children worry too? Sure they do. They are little sponges soaking up all the vibes in the home, at school on the playground and unfortunately on the bloody tube…internet, tv, computer, tablet…heck, even on their Ipod! All things that were made to entertain youths has drawn them into another world…of hopelessness. Children sure don’t see the world the way I did as a kid. Heck, at five I just wanted to be Dale Evans riding into the sunset with RoyRogers and when I really fantasized, I was Marilyn Monroe in a pink convertible Cadillac! But did I worry? I guess I did too when my mother looked sad or cried but I quickly forgot about all that when I watched Mighty Mouse or Donald Duck. Television was monitored in our home so we did not watch violent shows. The news? It just was not graphic as it is today. My first memory of a “sad news” was watching the funeral procession for John F. Kennedy and feeling so sad for the children. I could not imagine losing a father so young! Gosh, I was still missing my grandfather I had lost at 6!!
These days, through my work, I am aware how children and teens worry and many do suffer from depression. Some are lucky and get the help they need but as they share with us, it certainly can be a long journey before they get a proper diagnosis and the proper treatment required. It gets complicated with youths. Their brain is still developing and once a health care profession finds the right dosage of a particular medication, their brain tweaked a little more. I admire anyone (youths and adults) who continue to get the support they need for their mental health and become more self-aware so they are part of the equation in their treatment. That’s right, they are the expert on what is going on in their mind, their body and their spirit…what they contribute only gets them that much closer to finding a proper treatment leading to recovery.
I just saw this video I am going to share here and it says it so much better than I could ever, so, take a look and listen. You may have to watch it a few times to allow the “common sense” to sink in.
This is a testimonial of a person’s “Pill Journey”. I have listed mental health resources below.
Imagine receiving a surprise invite to an amazing dinner at the most exclusive restaurant in your city. You know, one of those invite only establishments. The dinner is for the “who’s who” of the world…but somehow you received an invite. Excited about this unbelievable opportunity, you arrive to the dinner early and wearing your best attire. When you walk up to the registration table to find out your seat assignment, you are given an empty name tag. You quickly try to give your hostess your name, but she replies “oh no, names don’t matter here.” Baffled, you scowl and wonder what type of place doesn’t take names. The hostess notices your confused scowl and says “once you put the name tag on, it will display the current state of your mind; and that’s your seat assignment.”
If you had to wear the current state of your mind like a badge…
WordPress is a global community of writers, bloggers, poets, photographers, artists and so much more. Many have a blog like this one informing people on resources. Since it is worldwide I thought a separate post with resources all over the world for youths might be useful. I encourage you to check this out and not get discouraged if one service is for youths up to 18 or 20 or even 25 and you or a friend is a bit older. Call your local helpline and inquire where there are other resources (free) for support. Even parents call for direction or a caring adult friend, teacher or counsellor…oh, yes, and grandparents check out for help for their grands too!
Many youths and young adults may have a counsellor and a good support network but what if they need to talk at 3am? What if they are walking home and it could be hours before someone could help calm a situation?
Child Helpline International (CHI) is the global network of 192 independent child helplines in 145 countries.
(Full and Associate Members. Figures correct as of November 2014.)
Full members are those child helplines who fulfill all three of the network’s membership criteria: annual submission of data; annual completion of the Principles and Standards Self-Assessment (PSA) tool; and payment of annual membership fee.
Associate members are organisations CHI is working closely with to start fully functioning child helplines. Associate members can become full members after one year of operation and meeting the full membership criteria.
Many friends and family suffer seeing a loved won battle the disease of disordered eating. know that it is their powerlessness that may make them withdraw at times, but never for the lack of love and concern for you.
Interesting question, I am so glad you asked! I started to blog here, at StigmaHurtsEveryone after reading HerdingCats She writes about the day-to-day life of her family of 2 boys and 2 girls. She was first in Ireland when I started following he and she has since returned to America; check her out, she is an amazing writer and I love her choice of music too she shares on Music Mondays.
That blog allowed me to write about persons with special needs, mental health and how we need to get better acquainted with various conditions that affect more people than we are willing to admit. ONE in FIVE persons will be faced with at least ONE mental illness but out of that many people, not many will ask for help due to the stigma and misunderstanding on mental health. That is A LOT of people, don’t you think? And then the blog evolved to allow ME to stand on my soapbox and talk about bullying, violence, child abuse, racism, homophobia and any other “isms” you can think of.
During that time I had started writing more, privately and noticed that I was enjoying poetry and dabbled in flash fiction too. And so I started Cher Shares which has enabled me to develop my writing skills and I have grown to love writing Japanese forms, Haiku, Senryû and Tanka…and so I chose a nom de plume, Tournesol, for these short form poems and changed Cher Shares title to Tournesol dans un Jardin; I had started a blog at blogspot Tournesol dans un Jardin to facilitate those readers and poets who are on blogspot but it is getting time consuming. Although I find blogspot more user friendly, WordPress is community based and I like my community:)
Have you been feeling sad lately? Perhaps nothing out of the ordinary has crossed your path and yet, that dark cloud is looming over you day in, day out. You wonder what is wrong with you? The longer it drags on you start believing the insinuations those dark, bleak feelings carry …the messages of self-worth, success, failure, guilt…well, DON’T BELIEVE IT…and read this post…we say that depression hurts…oh, yes, that it does! But it also LIES…
Depression lies, with tremendous talent and hate for life.
That’s what it does.
Depression, in a way, is a bully, a predator, a demon. It picks on you, torments you, blinds you to your good qualities and your potential. It makes it harder to concentrate or solve problems, and makes it hard to imagine life getting better. It attacks people physically: sleep, appetite, energy, motivation. It destroys joy in the things that would otherwise bring it. It brings on intense, unfair guilt and shame. It slows your thoughts, sometimes even movements. It kills hope. It convinces you that the only path for you is self-murder.
Depression is a serial killer, a horseman of the modern apocalypse.
Depression is awful indeed. I’ve met this demon, quite convinced all was lost, some decades ago and from time to time since. Life got better, much better in fact, after some stumbles: trial and much…
Originally written in January 2014. When I saw someone reblog this today, I thought to myself, “Hmm, did I write this?” I sure did and often I would suprise myself writing on Sreejit’s prompts at The Seekers Dungeon. Well I decided to repost this here because school is starting up REAL soon and it does touch thoughts on Bullying. Clr 2014/08/23
A conversation about Anger with Mini-Me (MM)
Me: What do you think is meant by Anger? Mini Me: It is what it is, right?
Me: but what might that be? Mini Me: It’s an emotion, a deep feeling.
Me: but is it sometimes a ruse? some kind of manipulation? like the result of a short fuse. Mini Me: Well (sigh) then it might have become sort of a weapon; alright.
Me: Like … of mass destruction, you say?! MM: heh, heh! good one, I like that analogy. I suppose it can destroy the spirit in a family, say…if it is to keep everyone in tow. That type of anger can stem from addiction among other things, it can be a projection of what hurts inside and it’s pointed to others.
Me: Oh, oh! like when things erupt in a row and the yelling scares everyone into silence? MM: That would certainly stimulate compliance!
Me: But that gives a negative slant to that emotion, I’m not liking “anger” at all now…too much commotion. MM: It can also be the only way to make change…reform.
Me: You mean by bullying folks to conform? MM: Well, that too but I meant to stand up for a principle, like, to stand up for what you believe and the rights of people.
Me: Fight for a right? huh? MM: (Sigh) let me explain in words that are plain: Say, someone is a bit of a bully and will harass and a bystander may blow up and say Hey stop being such a hardass!!
Me: Oh dear! that would attract a fight and who knows what else that might erupt all in the name of having a “right”…
MM: You are missing the point again (sigh!) anger is sometimes necessary to gain attention and so much more when you should be respected, speak of what is true.
Me: Yes, I think I understand this; it would mean to use a controlled anger that serves a purpose for the greater good. MM: Yes, exactly. Anger is sometimes a need to ward off the devious, exploiters and greed.
Me: But what about anger that stems from rage that performs in a deranged, frightful stage? I find that very scary…for the person hearing rage and the person raging feels out of control too. MM: that is an anger that needs to be addressed, help from a counsellor or trusted wise friend and counselling can be a way to contend… search from where this fury stems.
Me: Kind of like bottled up resentment? MM: That may be one plausible cause.
Me: And what about the person who is witness? MM: they require an apology and explanation of the outburst and pledge it will stop or at least attempt to control and ration such frenzied outburst.
Me: I felt much rage and anger when my father died. I found that quite confusing, why rage mingled with grief? MM: Anger is part of mourning and, a process that will subside over time. It matters not to whom the anger is projected, know that it is part of the grief process, causing healthy relief.
Me: Wow! I did not know that, the things I learn from you Mini-Mi! MM: So pleased to oblige…there is so much more, you don’t know?
Me: More? You mean other reasons why one gets angry? MM: it can be a symptom of a greater picture, such as mental health.
Me: Oh, no, not that again…something to excuse this dark comportment. I don’t buy too much into that excuse, sorry MM but that’s just a copout.
MM: It is, on the one hand but it can be a symptom of mental illness and there is help, there is hope, there is even treatment. Me: but treatment can be so long and no one wants to be a zombie.
MM: did I not say there is also recovery for such deportment? Me: I’ll take your word for it…I guess.
MM: don’t take my word for it, it is can be a symptom of anxiety, depression, to name
but a few, even part of aging or dementia may have outbursts of anger and even pre/postmenopausal, hormonal based, burnout, and past childhood issues and/or abuse that have been hidden for many many years…then it can resurface in rations of sudden rages…It can be quite disconcerting. Me: what happens to children who are exposed to such outbursts?
MM: a form of explanation but not a justification one must still acknowledge one’s problems, failings, limits.
Me: I guess that makes sense. It sure takes a lot to finally acquiesce. MM: Yes, it does….it does indeed.
Me: I really enjoyed this little talk, thank you. MM: You’re welcome, I speak only what is true.
“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
“In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.”
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
– Ambrose Bierce
“Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.”