Posted in Bullying, Mental Health

Who Am I?

First off, I want to share a narrative…

“Who am I?

I feel lonely when I am with a bunch of people and less alone when I am at home with my lonesome self! 

Sometimes I get up in the morning really anxious to go to ******; I am so motivated at first and have so many things to share.  Then I get there and no one seems to notice me. I don’t get a “hey, what’s up?” or even a smile or a nod:( I can go a week and have only 2 people say “Hi there” in the entire week. And yet, I am so friendly …I think so, anyways….who am I?

Several months ago, I decided I wanted to just come to ***** and not say hello to anyone unless he or she said it first.  Big discovery!!! No one said Hello until the 4th  friggin day!!!

Sometimes they are chatting in a group and when I get closer to them, the conversation winds down or they continue to chat like I am not there…sometimes I feel like we are playing the skipping rope game, Pony…you know that game?  At each turn of the skipping rope a person has to jump in sequence right after the next person OR else they have to turn the darn skipping rope.  It is very very stressful! 

Well, trying to be included and accepted feels often like that nerve-wracking  game. So what IS the point?

I am different than most in my group at *****; I am pretty smart and my ***** seem to like me and appreciate that I am smart and helpful. But as for the persons in the group, I never really know where I fit in…or if I do fit in.  They do not seem to appreciate persons who are too different…some of the strong minded personalities have opinions on race and culture.  And I think that influences others peeps from standing up against them sometimes.

I like a more inclusive society…school…agency…whatever!!  That means it IS okay to disagree with someone and to respect each other.  It is NOT okay to use words like that is so “retarded” or “gay”; it is NOT okay to generalize about races and cultures.  But the more I stand up for these values, the more I feel I am excluded.

I can’t tell my family about this problem…they won’t understand…but the more I go to ***** every day and every week, I drag my feet …my feet are so darn weighty…my heart is made of lead it is so heavy and filled with sadness. 

Who am I?  What am I? 

Anyone ever feel like this before? So what do you do?  And don’t give me that, “Oh, you should embrace being different and special!”…that does NOT help at this moment.  Sure I like being who I am with the thoughts that I have but no one else seems to “embrace” it…so what is the point?

We talk about kids at school not fitting in, we talk about work wellness and the pressures at work due to management and human relations.  Doesn`t it not make sense to start building skills and confidence in the schools first?  So what should one do?

Many schools say they have lots of programmes in place.  Awesome!  But the problem often lies where the bully and the victim of bullying are not acknowledged as such.  Too often we hear, “Kids will be kids”, “Boys will be boys”, “Kids are spontaneous and say whatever is on their minds…they don’t mean it”, “Kids are resilient…adults need to refrain from intervening some times…” and the problem escalates for the kids ARE taking it seriously, who ARE not as tough as everyone says they are!

Many adults may say I am a bleeding heart…NOT SO!  I care, sure, just like any human caring person does.  But I hear the kids who reach out to tell me how scared, fed-up, hurt they are.  So many pretend to be happy and put on their masked smile…yes, they even describe it that way when they tell us how unhappy and lonely they feel:(

Soooo, if you are a parent, a teacher, a school yard monitor, a school daycare educator…an older student, a big birother, a big sister…check it out…observe…hang out with the kids and ask them how life is treating them….show you care!   Because in most communications with kids who reach out, I always ask if there is a trusted adult or older relative they can talk to…make it be YOU the next time…that would be totally awesome:)

By the way how old do you think that person was who shared “Who am I?”…can any youths and adults relate to those thoughts?

On Wednesday January 11th, take a stand and write on your wrist “Love yourself” in honour of Jamie Hubley (15) (Ottawa)  who took his life after being bullied for so long…Wednesday, January 11th 0:00 – 23:00 take a stand!

Jan. 11, 2012 



A little bit about moi: I am a mom, a nana, a sister, a woman, a friend, a human being…a youth counsellor, Family Life Educator. I have been working in the helping profession for over 25 years and volunteered in various capacities from youths to seniors. Tournesol is my nom de plume for haiku and other Japanese form poetry here at Tournesoldansunjardin I hope you enjoy reading through my daily waka. I also have another blog "Stop the Stigma" where I may stand on my soapbox now and then and hope it will become a place to drop in and share or comment on issues important to you. In that vein this could be a great way to learn from each other. Namaste!

2 thoughts on “Who Am I?

  1. Since I wrote that blog, I am feeling much stronger. My skin has toughened up and it`s getting thicker and thicker. Also I am weighing what is important and what has less merit in my life and in general. And so I have been building my confidence more and more and asserting myself when and where I deem necessary. Writing this actually motivated me to get up and do something to change things in my life for the better…yuppers, I ROCK:)!! Tao


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